Before we begin, I want to make one thing abundantly clear. There is no such thing as a feminist who hates men. The man hating feminist rhetoric stems from two sources. feminism
1. Women and men alike who feel women should not have equal rights. These, for lack of a better word, odd individuals feel feminists who call out misogyny and champion for these equal rights are somehow oppressing and hating men. This is a false narrative and one should not feel oppressed or hated because a minority group is asking for a seat at the table. Scooch down and make some room.
2. Women and men alike who do, in fact, spew hatred for men. These misguided and yes, ignorant, individuals who feel women are superior to men, who feel men have no place in society and have actually called for harm of men in general. These are not man hating feminists, or feminazi (can we stop with that term by the way?) These are Misandrists.
A misandrist is someone who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against men. Basically, the flipped coin of a misogynist. Unfortunately for many people, especially women, their pursuit to truly want to see women succeed is blurred into wanting women to take over and dominate everything.
I will not use the term ‘Real Feminist’ as it only gives legitimacy that misandronistic actions are simply bad or fake feminism, when feminism and misandry should never be grouped together or synonymous.
Personally, I am a womanist. As the great Alice Walker stated, “Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender” A Womanist is someone who refuses to whitewash the plight of women, understands that every woman’s fight is different, and some more difficult than other women. While feminism many a times tends to focus on the struggles of the White woman, womanism focuses on breaking the oppression of the women of color, the LGBTQIA, and the disabled; empowering them. It’s in line with feminism, just with more coverage. For the sake of this piece, I will speak on feminism.
Feminism, in recent years, has gotten a resurgence and with it a slew of misinformed social media warriors. If you call yourself a feminist and feel women are superior to men, you are killing the real female empowerment message and I really need you to stop.
Many misandrists believe a woman should not get married, have children, or indulge in the acceptance of chivalry. They believe men should not look them in the eye, or speak to them. When feminists were campaigning against verbal and physical assaults on the streets, it was the misandrist’s voice who was heard. All the media latched onto were these women saying men shouldn’t speak, walk on the same side of the street, or even say hello to them. If they did, women had the right to assault them. It screwed up the message and even now, feminists have to clean up that mess to make it clear: we don’t care if you say hi, just don’t be creepy or rude and no touchy! While feminists are trying to raise well rounded boys, who respect girls and understand the importance of consent, misandrists are raising their boys to believe their life is meaningless and inferior to their female counterparts.
I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of chuckling at a misandrist tweet. They can come from women who identify as feminist, but who don’t realize their words are just as demeaning as those of a misogynist.
I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 28, 2015
Anna Kendrick’s cheeky comment comes from a dark place. True feminists do not want to silence men, we want them vocal. We don’t want men degrading us and I refuse to believe in order for men to be respectful and non-degrading they must be silent. We are admitting men cannot control themselves, we are admitting that rape is as intrinsic to men as breathing, that it is just a byproduct of having a penis and all men will do it. This kind of thinking leads society to believe men can’t help themselves and the only way it will stop is for all men to become silent eunuchs or for women to just accept the abuse as a way of life. Comments like this play into that and I prefer to stay away from them.
This Instagram post from January Jones baffles me completely. All of it sounds like something ripped from an extremist book of misandry. Men’s sole purpose is to serve women and they should be strong 24/7/365. Oh, and in the same breath in which she is dismissing men, the post calls them bitches with vaginas, which is actually a diss to women. My vagina is amazing, having one is awesome, so how about January not use it as an insult. It was brought to my attention, this post is almost too overt to be real. It’s true, when I first read it, I thought members of MRA were passing around false propaganda, but this post is from January 2015 and words matter. If this was supposed to show the ugly side of the equality fight, January should have captioned it as such, if it was a mistake and it was posted on a bitter day, she should have removed it.
What misandrists don’t realize is that their misandry actually hurts women. It reduces our legitimate fight to vapid nonsense. Zara Larrson stated “It doesn’t hurt men if I hate them”. When in fact, it does. This hatred poisons some men into thinking they should serve this hatred back (yes, I fully acknowledge some men attack us no matter what and don’t need a reason), it also mutes those men who are feminists. It tells young boys that straight out of the birth canal they will be hated, which puts them on the defensive and the cycle continues. Hating men in general is just as damaging as hating women. You can hate the actions of some men, you can even hate some men, but looping in an entire sex?
In the end, I want everyone to understand feminism is the equality for all sexes. That’s it.
When this simple definition is turned into man hating fodder, it weakens the real narrative. Feminists now have to take time out of their misogyny fight to take on misandrists who are muddying up the water.
All feminists want is equal rights. To ignore this need and instead focus on the hatred of men is hurting all women. So stop it.