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I Guess I’m Out

On March 27th of this year I came out as bisexual/sexually fluid to my sister over text message. It wasn’t a Lifetime movie moment, there were no gasps or clutching of pearls. My sister, who happens to be lesbian, typed “OMG!”, I asked if I could come to the next “meeting” and I would bring donuts. She laughed and told me to bring crepes as well. We exchanged GIFs with Pride flags and Bi flags and we shook our fists that there isn’t a bi flag emoji so instead, I used a pink, blue, and purple heart for my Twitter profile. She sent me links to songs from Donna Summer as we had a mini coming out party at 10:30 at night just on our phones. She sprinkled me with my indoctrinating glitter.

I love her

The next morning, nothing changed. I had told my husband a few days before and he said “cool” and gave me a kiss. We are both pretty open people and he knew I’d been with women in the past so, I wasn’t expecting much from him. He did tell me, if I ever needed to scratch that side of me to just let him know but, I don’t need to, me being bi doesn’t mean I need to be poly or have an open marriage. He told me he was proud of me for finally living my true self. I blushed.

I love him

Me waiting until I am 36 years old to come out of the closest wasn’t due to fear. I’m am so lucky and blessed to have parents who put their children’s happiness and well being before their friend’s, religion’s, or society’s comforts. I hit the jackpot. They aren’t P-Flaggers but, they are simply of the “OK” crowd. It’s not a big deal or production. They will fight to the death for my sister and her rights as an LGBTQ cis woman. (or BLT as my dad called it, He couldn’t remember the acronym…eh…close enough Dad LOL!)

I love them

My awakening came simply. I’ve dated, made out and slept with women before. Much more than a drunken or experimental┬ácollege phase but also less than a full on “We go together relationship”. I’ve always known I was attracted to women but I knew it wasn’t exclusively. I never considered myself as Bi because I just wasn’t thinking about it.

Growing up, many thought I was going to be the lesbian. I was awkward, tom boy like, and not very focused on boys and of course to many that meant automatic lesbian. As time went on and college came ’round, my focus on boys grew…and grew. I loved me some boys. While I was focused on boys my eyes still wandered over to girls. Not just the physical, though, thick thighs and a full bust are my weakness, I loved the way women carried themselves. I loved their brain much more than men’s.
(I don’t mean that in the dismissive way it sounds lol. I just love how woman think)

I began treating men like disposable wipes, to be used at my discretion but wanting my female relationships to be meaningful (yeah,to my fellas, that’s dismissive as fuck, sorry).

I lusted after both their mind and body. It kept me up at night.

In college, I wanted and craved the D but only if they kept their mouth shut. I wanted and craved women, but only if they could awaken my spirit.

I dabbled a little in college but truly went all explorer my first year out of college. I dated and was awakened by 2 women whom I will never in my life forget. Yet, I couldn’t call myself bi, why? Oh, because I was naive to think because I didn’t like going down on a woman, it meant I wasn’t “true”. I kept this theory until March 27th 2017. A friend of mine a few weeks before I came out said “You do know there are straight women who do not and will not give a BJ, right? These women are still straight, it’s just a sexual act they don’t prefer. So babe, you’re probably bi, you just need to realize it.”

I did

Nothing really has changed though. I’m still me. I still write, cook, and petty (yes, a verb). I still love my husband beyond reason, and I’m still a kick ass mom. This month it’s my first out Pride and I haven’t done any more or less than I would have as an ally. I’m OK with that. It did however give me a plot bunny for both a book and a screenplay.

Oh yes, the old adage goes write what you know and this seems like gold to me. Originally I wanted to write a Hangover meets Girls Night Out type story but what’s flowing out of me is much softer, complicated with a bit more depth. Keep me accountable and ask me how the writing is going. Lord knows I’m slow.

So, I came out. And the world kept spinning.

P.S. I may not need a parade, but I’m always down for a glitter sprinkle

via GIPHY

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